Arachnophobia syndrome....(2)

Fuck the studying!

While lighting a fag(sic), my eyes cought to entry in my blog "Arachnophobia syndrome...". I think it is time to convey my issue I named the the Arachnophobia syndrome. There probabily is a psychological term for it, but fuck knows what it is (in my pants).

I have always wonder: "Are there spiders suffering from arachnophobia?". If I was one, I would have. As it stands, I hate all faggots, I cannot stand them. I have yet to meet a gay person that does not piss me off and who I can stand being in the company of.

This is my issue, how can I date, even meet, a nice, caring guy when I judge them in the first five minutes of meeting them? I have great difficulty in meeting dudes that is into dudes. It really sucks. It explain why I don't have true gay friends.

It also raises an identity issue, if I hate them, do I have to hate myself? But I don't. Hence there is a gay that i do not hate, thus by Mathematical Induction then my issue is "disproved". But I still feel the same. Does this imply then that I am the exception? Does that mean then that I am superior, that I have an superior complex?? I don't.

Where is my error because there must be one since I reasoned my true hypothesis into a contradiction? I need help.

Let me define then a new term, a oxymoron if you may: Homophobic Homosexual!

Call me a HOMOPHOBIC HOMOSEXUAL!!!!!

The worm....

... has left the building.

My computer is finally healthy again. I am on the internet again after many'th months.

Anyway, I was dropped by my friends tonight. I wanted to go out, had the car, had the cigarettes, was in the mood, did not want to study; all valid reasons,right? I think so.
Ah well it did not seem enough. Serves me right, seeing that I said I didn't want to go out earlier today.
Moral of the story? Always say yes, and then drop. Don't make up your mind on the spot.

I need someone. Someone to hold. I need to be liked. I need a bit of drama. I am so sick of being on my own and being the third, fifth, seventh wheel. I want my adjacent wheel, the fourth,sixth,eighth wheel.
Be patient and there will be a love in the future; how corny is that? I need a POMP!! EN NOU!!!:-)

Okay random thoughts of the week:
1) Can you pass without studying?
2) How many sentences are there that has no sexual innuendo when you at "In your/mine/his/her/their pants" , for example, To be or not to be in your pants? (I have only one: Johnny Walker: Just keep walking in your pants.)
3)There was something about a wheel of a donkey-cart. (Damn, I gotta make notes)

I gotta go study, gonna have to stay up all night,again.

cheers

Wording...

What to say? What to say?
I really have nothing to bitch about, but I so want to blog something, to spill my emotions, my theraputic soothing methode.... Hopefully when I finished this sentence I would have thought of something.....

No still nothing....

uhm....

Yeah, thought of something!

I recently discover my primary school best friend on facebook! Wow what a change, he looks like the grunge type, who knows.... but aniway would love to catch up with him. Really wanna know how he still is.....

That made me think of my highschool best friends.... WOW you cannot get better people! Estelle and Nicolene I worship you two!! Thank you for blessing my life with your presence!!

If it was not for true friend, this world would not be worth the effort of inhabiting it.
My life would be so different!

I hope that I crafted the same for you too and will continue in the future!! I call you true and loyal friend... and that makes you a rare breed!! Mwah love you lots! lol THINK OF IT!!!

With a tinkle in my heart , I can now go to sleep with a smile on my face...

Goodnight

Bitch slap...

Exes!!!

They are just fucked up!

When my ex and I broke up, I wanted him back but....

Only a week after the "break up", he and fucking Idiot, who recently celebrated his 18th, had sex on his birthday! This is suppose to be a "secret" between us, but fuck that. They are together now and they look discusting together!!!!!! I have my suspicion that they fucked each other while he and I was still together, and that fucked up excuse he gave me was a fucking lie! Come on "I uhm, am not ready for a relationship, I have to much issues!" His big fat fucking syphilificate dickhead!!! Why then did he and Idiot hook up a week after??? Uhm uhm.... can you see why I have my suspicions?

I am developing my Arachnophobia syndrome again because of this!!

He phoned me tonight.... "I saw some pics of us on my laptop, and I just wanted to hear how you are."!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU BASTARD!!!!

What did I ever see in him? There is really nothing, no intelligence, no looks, was without own home and without a job (Well he worked for Spur, whoopy doo dah!) when i met him. In the time we were together he got a job for what he was qualified for, got his own flat! Fucking hell I hanged his curtain!! i would've done anything for him! I got my passport because he promised me to take me to Namibia! Spent shite load on money on that and I never truely had plans to leave this country!!!

And still his has the odacity to not fucking take back my friend's stuff to her!

I am slowly but surely developing my Archnophobia Syndrome again!!!!!!

P.S. this is not set towards a specific person or people or true life situation. It is all in my own head......... Yeah fucking right and he was good in bed!

Arachnophopia syndrome...

l

7 minutes....

I have only seven minutes, so i will be quick!!!!

Life has been busy the past few days, I got my glasses and I see that I'm REALLY blind!!! The last oblivious piece that held the beauty of the world has been "realitized". When everything is blurred, everyone and everything has a kind of splendor in itself, one tends not to focus one the outwardly, because one can't!

Now my "repaired" eyesights is causing new possiblities in my thinking. It is amazing how one's sense can make a renewed difference in ones life! But...

Now my nose is fucked... damned hay fever!! Shall I never be prefect????

Right nine minutes later I shall say goodbye!

Cheers and splendid, fucking hot, Spring to you all!

One of those days....

Yes today was one of THOSE days.

Do you ever experienced days that u just struggle to see the beauty in this world? And on other worst days it is as though your eyes don't want your brain to see the uglier things in life? You are only able to see the so called pretty things. You see the bins on the street gaging in garbage, because the sanitary workers are striking for better working conditions, yet you can only see the little boy behind the garbage enjoying his icecream, or something, and can only wonder what this child is feeling. Is he happy? What does this icecream mean to him? Is he entrapped in his own wonderful fairy world? Will he go to sleep happy because of the sweetness he experienced?

Well my day was completely the opposite!!!!!

It was so hard to see the happiness! I try but then I stumble against "wall" that is reality. On these days I wonder if this child had to work (like selling drugs or stealing) to get money for his only piece of bliss? Will it be all he will have to eat for the day? Is this gagging garbage bin his "Sweet home"? Where is his mother, as he is so young and alone in this tyrranical world that is life? Where is his father to give him the guidances in his moral quest of the obstacles he will face or are facing? Why is he alone? AND WHY THE FUCK ARE THE SANITARY WORKERS STRIKING!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

On days like these, I need my Sarah Brightman, my Jamie Cullum and my Tracy Chapman. And hopefully they will reerect the obliviousness in me...